Wednesday, June 29, 2011

2012 Calendar? Already? Yes. Already. But BIGGER.

So, interweb friends, for the past few years I have made a thing, and that thing is called the Overdue Book Calendar, and what it does is what you might guess it does. (Helps keep track of library due-dates. Yo.) T'was inspired by my friend Raych, of ye olde books I done read (REEEEEEEED EEEET!!!) and it has been used by such notables as Vancouver Public Schools. (That was not sarcastic, I am deeply impressed with anything that exists in Vancouver. Case in point, Raych used to live there.)
But this year it has EXPANDED, and so I am pleased to introduce, the 2011-2012 Overdue Book Calendar, Elementary Edition! Yes, that is a RIDICULOUSLY long name, I am not known for brevity. And since it is 18 MONTHS of awesomeness, and every month has two pages of big spaces and it is pretty sweet, if I do say so myself.
Gratuitous calendar pictures! It's either cats or calendars around here, people!

Now, you might ask, why are you coming out with a calendar in July? Isn't that a bit silly? And the answer is: Yes. It is. But the reason why is this: I was totally honored when I found out that the AWESOME kids at lmnop magazine wanted to put the calendar in their book-themed issue, and I had been planning a version for younger kids for a while, and thought, why not now? Also, school years start in all sorts of crazy months, so why shouldn't calendars?
(True confession time: It feels really silly making a calendar in June. It's fun, but you feel ridiculous, and when you tell people that you can't hang out because you have to finish "making your calendar", they give you they "is-that-a-euphemism?" eyebrow raise. But it was worth it.)
Would you like to get a bit of calendar-taste for free? Well, you are in luck. I have put together a download for lmnop readers, and you, because I love you. Click HERE, dahlings, and get the month of July to do with what you will. And if that little taste makes you hunger for more calendar, there is a whole heaping 18-month pile of it RIGHT HERE.
And check out this issue of lmnop, for reals. It is totally children'sbookland, and even has paper figure illustrations of Roald Dahl books. (True fact: in 4th or 5th grade I was involved in a "Night of the Notables" where everyone had to dress up as their heroes and tell about their lives. I was Roald Dahl. I think I wore khaki shorts? Maybe a hat? I handed out chocolate, that's all that I remember. Second true fact: I spent the majority of one summer talking like the BFG. I am told it was insufferable.)
But wait, what was I talking about? Just kidding! Ha! The magazine! It has printable bookplates! ANd lists of amazing children's books I have never heard of, but will probably buy now! (Hush, I know I don't have kids yet. It's an investment!) And amazingly photographed pop-up-book reviews! And absurdly cute Australian children, who wear far nicer clothes than I ever will.

Ok. That's all I got for now. Coming down the chute next: my NEW SCISSORS, and our CAMPING TRIP. The camping trip has not yet occurred, so there is a slight chance I might not make it back alive and that post will remain unwritten. My ability to camp is yet-to-be-determined, so. Should be interesting?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Most Narcissistic Blog Post, In the World, Ever.

What also has the most narcissistic post title, ever, if you consider that the internet is 60% narcissism, 13% actual information and 27% dirties. These percentages MIGHT not be accurate. But most likely they are.
So, remember when I whined, hard, about getting a bad haircut? Because I was SO attached to my long, lustrous*, locks?

I got over it.

I find that when my hair is short, I dream of having ponytails and in the few times I have had ponytail acceptable-ish hair, I dream of cutting it all off. Literally I dream, like wake up in the morning and remember it. my hair is eternally indecisive. So, summer has come, and it was hottt, and Brian was dropping not-so-subtle hints that my constant doo-rag/ponytail combo was perhaps not what I had dreamed about, hair-wise. Because I complained about it all the time. I had to DO something to it! The horror. Also, he's a big fan of the short hair.

Laziness and public opinion won. I wanted them to. I was dying to do it.

But it was HARD, because it took me TWO YEARS to grow my crap-hair, and that is a lot of time to dedicate to something that is ultimately a failure. But my face, it is not built for long hair, and my hairstyling aptitude is lacking. The only way I could make myself feel better about cutting it all off? Spend three hours doing it, and have AS MUCH FUN AS I POSSIBLY COULD. If I can't keep it, I better darn well enjoy the removal process. And, I photographed it all. Because I am hopelessly vain and self-absorbed. It's a fact. I apologize in advance for the photos in which I am making my "prison-inmate" face. There is a reason my product shots do not include face, and it is because my face either looks DEEPLY depressed or somewhat insane in photos. Y'all've been warned.

Without further ado: Narcissism!

Pre-cut. The sitch was kinda dire, as you can see. Prison inmate face alert!
Snippage! Dumb upward-looking face! Hoo-ha.
Continued snippage. This part is kind of boring, I should have done a bit more. The mushroom-cut of my childhood was attempted, but failed. Show of hands, who else had the mushroom haircut? How of hands, who ALSO had an eyepatch? Oooh, looks like I win the pathetic-child award.
This is me pretending to be a bored model, ANTM-style. I have no explanation or excuse, the bob just made me feel classy and silly.
Note: I do not have an abnormally hairy neck. It's just hair-sawdust. Do not judge.
I forgot my quail-piece in that last one.
Closer.... I am verrra serious when cutting hair, as you can see. Not accurate, or technical, but serious. I finished off most of the back with my husbands clippers, because it was way easier. No photos of that. Saaarry. I know you are just DYING for more. Ha.
Ta-daaa!!! I made silly faces.
Final product. Yes, I was going for the thatched-roof bangs. Blame the wip-hairport flickr streat (which is awesome!) Spaniards (is that the proper word? I think it's correct but it sounds a bit wrong. Please correct me if it's wrong.) have the best style, I think maybe. Or, the women do- jury's still out on the men.

Summer-hair! I have got you!

Thank you for indulging me. I am fully expecting my subscriber-numbers to go down after this post.

*Yeah, this is a ludicrous exaggeration. "Lank", "bedraggled", and "frequently dirty" would all be more appropriate adjectives.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Things I Made, Thing I Lost.

Ok, so, I had another post planned for today, but it has MANY PHOTOS and requires MUCH WORDS (not really, just SOME WORDS), but it was stressing me out and sucking up time and so this is the one you get.
Because all I make is Birdie Slings, the pictures are of a Birdie Sling I made. Awesome sentence award! This one was for my wonderful mother for Mother's Day. Side note, mom, you're awesome, thanks for not killing me or locking me in the basement between the ages of 13 and 17! I surely deserved it!
In more whiny and self-absorbed news, I have lot my scissors. The IMPORTANT ones. You know. The Gingher 8-Inch Knife-Edge Dressmaker's Shears. THE scissors. I took them to work when I was teaching my class (FOOL!) and now they have disappeared. They had a gold ribbon tied to them. I still managed to leave them.
If you sew, and if you own these scissors (which, obvs, you SHOULD), and if you lose them, you feel like you have lost a hand. Or, not a hand, but some important part. A hand accessory? Wait, that is exactly what you have lost. I lose at metaphors. But WHAT I AM SAYING IS, they are important, and you will constantly feel sad, because NO OTHER SCISSORS can pretend to be these scissors. Not in my house, anyway. All our other scissors are scuzzy and dull and are lazy and lack the ability to cut fabric entirely. Sorry, scissors, it's the truth.
SCISSORS! Come back! Mama misses you! And will never take you for granted again, or drop you (no, I will probably still drop you), or curse your not-very-sharp-ness. You are sharp enough for me! You are my favorite fabric-photo prop! You are SHINY!

TOFUTTI! Where ARE you when I NEEEEED you?